so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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