they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
