Need sex. Gaining weight.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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