Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
