fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
