she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
