I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
