I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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