Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
