i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
