Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
