is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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