The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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