u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
