We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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