How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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