Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
