Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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