According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
