fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
