I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
