i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Vodka?
Forever.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize