I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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