I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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