He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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