my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
