this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
