a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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