just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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