He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
