me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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