Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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