My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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