Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
