He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
