I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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