So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize