What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
