We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
