Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
