i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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