Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
