Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize