You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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