He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
