I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
