best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
