FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i out mim tonsoeep
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
