You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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