So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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