maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
