I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
