Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
