Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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