Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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