I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize