I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize