How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize