i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
