One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
