Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
