Where is the hickey?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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