Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
