You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
