if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
