Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
