Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
