Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
