you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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