It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
