he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize