So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
