a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
