i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
