Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
