you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
