Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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