i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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