my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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