I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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