Already got asked if we're dating
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
