for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize