Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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