Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
