I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize