did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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