Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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