so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
