also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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