i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
