You really coming over, don't trick.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
