my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
not ubering you a puppy
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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