i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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