my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
