there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
