he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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