quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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