thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
