Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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